I always have so much thoughts in my head and always itching to voice them out.. But everytime when I'm at the new blog post page I dunno wad to type.. Dunno whr to start..

For starters.. I hate YOU! And thats cause I LOVE you.. Everytime u make me happy AND sad.. excited AND angry... u stick to me like glue and throw me away like a rotten doll.. U say things that hurt me and things that make me cry.. and yet u make me feel safe and blissed.. URGH!

And I shall quote.. "Just /ignore"... I'm doing that to you now.. And when u know u'll do that to me too.. Cold wars all buried in jars in our hearts.. I wonder if one day the coldness numbs everything and we just program ourselves to act a certain way.. I hate it... hate it.

I hate so many habits of yours and u hate so many habits of mine but we dun care as long as we have each other.. and when u think of that all the emo thoughts just go away.. *poof* into thin air.. =p then u snap back to reality and the feeling is just damn freaking sian....

Sometimes I wonder how it feels to be single.. lol! not that i dont have freedom... sometimes just really sian of it.. the thought of that usually lasts abt....2 sec? lol.. Im content but not satisfied... Just have to wait and see bah..

Yeah!! 3 week has passed by extremely well! No complications.. No infections.. Everything seems to go smoothly.. though my face is stil like a balloon/pufferfish.

I can open my mouth 2 fingers wide now.. Ermm.. that would mean ur 2 fingers is one on top of the other and not beside each other.. Cos that is only 1 finger wide.. Anyways.. if u dun get it i also wont be surprised.. Haha.. No one really knows wad Im saying most of the times... *faints faints*

I now can not only drink from a cup with less spillage.. I can eat with a spoon!! And I can eat anything that u can smash with ur tougue.. Haha.. like mash potatoes.. cake.. egg yolk.. ice cream.. yogurt.. beancurd.. sweet potatoes.. and any food that goes along that line la huh... This is as close as any solid food already.. YES!

I've got to do jaw exercises 4 to 5 times daily.. So funny.. Other wise my mouth cannot open as wide as before forever! zomg.. Stretch those smiling and yawning muscles everyday 4 to 5 times for 20 minutes.. That shld keep me busy! Haha..

Wonder wats everyone doing these days.. After my birthday I onli talk to a few ppl.. The rest neh? All busy with work ah? Even my gf is busy with work.. How I wish I can recover faster! I feel so much weaker than before.. Nv go out for sooo damn long.. I become as white as ghost and as weak as ??? as weak as what ah? Aiya.. just weak la.. Me wana go out walk walk shop shop. watch movie.. Haha.. Soon bah soon.. thats wad everyone is saying.. Soon i can get to eat the buffet u guys say wana treat or eat tgt.. Whahahaa... Muz build my appetite so I can eat till worth it by then.. Heh Heh... Dear owe me the most foods liao.. Better save up wor! =DD

The night before (10th Apr):
I was telling Dear that I felt moody and that I doubt anyone would remember my birthday.. U know they all got work already.. Seem soo busy and seldom people online these days.. Plus I also cant go out sure no one will ask me out to celebrate and stuff.. Aiya think this year just forget it bah.. We just slack at home like any normal day...

At 11:57 on the phone:
Geoff:
Ehh dear ur phone now what time ah?
ShiR:
Erm.. 11:57
Geoff:
Ok... Anyone talking to u yet?
ShiR:
Till now also no one like come talk to me leh.. Think they really forgot le.. Haix Dear I damn sian le..
Geoff:
Wont la.. Facebook got send reminders de ma... How to forget...
ShiR:
Huh.. but now like almost midnight le... Aiyo.. Onli few ppl online..
Geoff:
Can msg de ma.. No need to be online to wish u birthday
ShiR:
Orh... k lo... Dun care la... tml u come over can le..

12 midnight (11th Apr):
I received Melissa's msg first...

12:03 - MSN:
Juan:
wa.."early" sia..
hiaxyo
haha. so how u spend ur good friday?
ShiR:
nth much
lol
Juan:
haha..facebook got sudoku sia..lolx
u played b4?
ShiR:
isit?
nope
Juan:
lolx. quite fun leh
they got numbers, chinese numerators and sushi...
hahaha
ShiR:
lol i lazy go facebook
too many things le
Juan:
haha..icic. i only play games..
lolx.
ShiR:
haha
i tired le
i go slp first k?
Juan:
okay..
bb..nitex
swt dream..
ShiR: =)

All this time I was talking to dear.. By the time it was already 1 am.. I complained to Dear that Juan kept talking abt facebook stuff.. And u say facebook got send reminders.. She seem to have forgotten leh Dear.. She really forgot.. See I told u... Boo No one remembers.. Till now onli melissa msg me.. 1 msg.. Aiya.. Dun care la.. Anyway I also no mood celebrate.. All these dun really matter right? Haix.. Trying to kid myself.. Friends forgetting my birthday can be quite sad huh!

My sis came in after the phone call to wish me Happy Birthday... Muacks!

11th Apr:
Dear came over at ard 11am-12pm... My mini surprise which he left on my bed when I went to get him a drink.. =DD

We just slacked... Played maple... Play psp.. See facebook.. Watch tv.. Aiya. the usual stuff.. nth much... just really slacking.. Sis got work... Mom teaching.. I really just wanted a normal day... Too moody to celebrate... Its just another day to meet Dear.. And I'm contented enough.. We went down to buy Kodomo toothbrush... Stil no msg.. But towards the afternoon.. I received wishes from Feng Chels and Mun!!! Till the evening that was it..

I was so angry with Juan.. How can u forget! And I really believed u forgot even though I didnt want to... Urgh! I complain to Dear... How can she forget! And she was talking to me on msn last night somemore! Made me even more angry..

Half the day was gone and I was convinced that either everyone was too busy or that no one remembered..

At about 5-6 pm:
Dear asked me to rest after I'm done with whatever I was doing.. And being the good girl I listened to him and rested on my bed with him..
He asked me: Still no one msg u?
I replied annoyingly: Anoh... see the time... wad time liao.. sure is too busy to remember bah... Dun care la.. I tired wana rest..
Dear: Juan leh?
Me: Nth lo... no sign of her.. And the guys.. nt even one of them msg me lor.. Onli the girls msg me.. All ass de..
Dear: Hahaha... So are u sad that no one remembers ur birthday?
Me: No la.... wont be sad la.. Im sure they are too busy or sth... They also know i this state cant go anywhere and celebrate.. I got u beside me now ma.. Enuf le..
Dear: okok... U rest ah.. I go toilet.. Come back must see u rest ah!!!

I covered the blanket all the way to my head... And tried to rest... A minute later I heard a knock on my door...
"???" Why dear must knock on the door de.. He must be trying to be funny.. Dun care him... So i closed my eyes and tried to sleep.. Ehh.. why dear stil haven come yet.. I tot mayb he taking drinks no hands open door? I woke up to check and....

OMG there was everyone and Fu Da holding the lited birthday cake and they all started to sing happy birthday!! I soo wanted to hide back under the blanket but I was so touched I just sat there looking at everyone in my room!! I cant believe what I saw.. Like a dream I just woke up to! Kept wiping my tears...

I stood to blow my candles.. Abit the difficult to blow cos I wasnt sure whether I could do it.. I aim at one candle and blew.. Ok one out and blew the other one.. But then the first one lit up again.. ehh.. So i blew a few times.. Lucky there were onli 2 candles.. Imagine if there were more! haha.. It would be a funny..

So we all went out to eat cake... Delicious STRAWBERRY ICE CREAM CAKE from SWENSEN'S.. TY Juan for buying the cake.. So thoughtful =D

But I couldnt eat the cake!! I waited till it melted and tried to drink it with a spoon... I tasted strawberry.. oooohh the smell so nice... But it was spilling everywhere.. So angry... Everyone tried to think of ways of how I could eat it... Haha.. damn sweet la u all! Now think wana cry alr.. I managed to taste some I v happy le... Cant say enuf thanks man!

Photos:
Wana say thanks to those who came over to surprise me... Really was feeling depressed that day and u guys made it the Best Birthday Ever! *HUGS* And also to Mun, my gf who planned all this when she was so busy with other stuff.. Muacks! Lastly of cos to Juan who initiated this surprise... U of all people! Haha.. Totally nv expect this at all...! XOXO

I finally can talk!!

This morning I went to wash my face and tried to open my mouth as wide as I can... Definitely more than 1cm! So happy.. I tried to say Hello... And it came out Hello!! The feeling was so shiok that I finally am not Little Miss Mute anymore...

Wow.. But erm. When i tried other words it came out all funny.. And can onli speak slowly.. If not it will start to hurt.. Wont wana hurt my brand new tissues.. Lower jaw hurts more now... The numbess all over the upper left side now.. Less numb = More pain..

I went to my sis room and told her I can talk! And she said u can talk? U can talk?! Yay! Yay my ass.. she spent the whole afternoon laughing at the way i talked.. Haix..

My mom didnt even realised that i could talk.. She keep asking me qns like a normal person.. so many qns and answers she didnt even hear.... Wtf man.... that B?*&h.. Anyways.. Nt that it mattered.. I finally can say my piece to her... Just yesterday in the car.. She kept asking me qns and then she said: "why arent u answering mE?" WTH right... lets see.. erm.. because my muscles are weak and my bones are not healed yet and oh! there are RUBBER BANDS holding my teeth tgt... How does that sound speakable to u? She answered her own qns: "Oh ya u cant talk." Oh ya u cant talk u say? oh ya??!?! wow... its been almost 2 weeks now and she didnt realised I couldnt talk.. *faints faints* She is a music teacher who does use her ears... The irony?!

Today she promised me she get porridge for me to eat... For dinner.. And guess what.. She DIDNT get it.. She asked my sis to call me... I was sleeping.. She say i nv pick my phone so dunno whether to get porridge for me to eat. I tell ya she mayb the best teacher.. But she definitely is the worse mother.. Cant believe I said that but its true... U PROMISED to buy for me and now u didnt u blame me for not picking up the phone.. so its my fault that i didnt get to eat porridge.. Its these little things that happen all the time that makes her such a bad parent... Why cant u see! All she thinks abt is herself.. She knows I xin ku but thats it... She thinks she is the one that is xin ku because Im a burden.. So she more xin ku than me.. So she is the one that needs appreciation and care.. Please lor.. this is not the way to earn it.. And when ppl dun give it.. She just brags and brags abt wad she did for ppl that ppl dun see... bla bla bla bla... ok lor... THanks... Happy?

SO many things I could complain abt her.. And I know complaining abt ppl makes u forget abt reflecting on urself... wad u urself did right? Well... I feed myself whenever I can...like times where I dun need to eat medicine.. I clean the house when u guys were away.. Did u know? Did u realise? Noooo.... all she knows was how xin ku she is earning money for this family.. buying food... carrying all the groceries by herself.. her health her mind.. her work.. All abt herself and nth else... Selfish biatch list goes a long way... If i ever grow up to be her I shld commit suicide asap.... zzzzz

Ya i know i'm getting a little far-fetched just because of the porridge but its just one example out of the 100 things she does to irritate me in a day... URGH... her logic and thinking is way out of my league man.. I dunno how I managed to tahan her for 19 yrs...

Anyways.. Grats to me I can talk...Finally... And i can drink from a cup!! Just that I tend to spill it all over my shirt cos I cant really tell how fast to drink.. Haix.. Like a baby learning how to talk and eat... ohh mee-annN!

Today is the 13th Day after Op...

The best day of my life ever since...

Not because my poly friends are in Genting having fun... I really miss u guys already! Esp my gf... Less 2 days of ur support lo... Haix...

But other than that... I got my rubber bands off today!!!

Finally can breathe thru my mouth.. Haha.. The doctor says....

I've learnt other skills too! Like sucking through a straw and drinking soup with a spoon... Hhahaha.. I feel pro already.. Except that the debris gets stuck to my braces and I cant feel that food is flowing out of my mouth as well.. Haha.. like baby.. need to wear a bip.. Finally a change and the healing process has begun.. Slow and steady... living by the day..

After dental I went to eat lunch with Dear's family. Crystal Jade Kitchen. The smell... OMG... Even without the rubber bands.. I could onli open my mouth like 1cm so far.. My jaw muscles stil weak.. Need to train them...

Ordered 皮蛋粥 (Century Egg Porridge).. My favourite.. Yummy... I smashed the yolk until super smashed then I mix with the porridge and slurp it down. My first time eating with a spoon.. SHIOK

Walked alot today too.. Suntec walk walk le then went to Queenway and IMM see and shop for stuff.. Out for more than 2 hours! About 6 to 7 hours. Took short naps in the car.. Haha.. Now finally I'm home.... zzzzz But it was good... At least I know I'm well and alive!

Others include half a can of kickapoo, which tasted good but hard to drink with a syringe.

Can take anything that u guys can drink with a straw. So drinks that I wana drink would include: