My ah ma just passed away yesterday morning at 9am. I cant go to her funeral because my body not strong enough. So sudden. No warning.

My mom cried alot. She now no mood to work or do anything. Haix I also dunno how to console her. Everyone's so busy because of me. And now this happens. The atmosphere around the house is sooo stale. Cant believe she just gone like that. My mom says my ah ma has gone cos she has seen her whole family le.. My auntie from america flew by just last week to see her. And a few days later she just left. Dunno how she knows when she is soo senile. But nonetheless at least there was no regret that we didnt say goodbye.

Dear's ah gong is barely hanging there as well. Unknown of his own liver cancer, he stil thinks its liver infection. But doctors say he cannot make it already, anytime le. Haix... Why so many things are happening at this time. Bad things happen so fast and good things happen so slow.

Everyone's so busy with stuff and yet i can do nth to help.

Urgh pek chek.

Sorry havent been updating. Been resting at home for the past 2 days but didnt have enuf energy to blog.

So I did my OP on wed and woke up sometime in thurs. I dun reali remember.. I only remember the pain and agony of post-OP. I regretted it. ZOMG the pain and suffering. WHY THE HELL DID I EVEN THOUGHT OF DOING THIS?!?!?!!

I tried to think of Dear, Family and of cos my friends and buddies who were so excited for me. Told me to Jiayou and be strong.. =D I'm glad the worst is over now.

Day 2: When I woke up..
All i knew was i couldnt open my mouth. I went in and out like a dream cos of the GA. I tried to scream. Luckily my voice was stil there. Everytime i woke up i would shout with all my might. I dont know if it was loud or soft i just screamed my lungs out till someone could hear me. So scared..

Lucky there was this nurse on standby that held my hand everytime i shouted. She calmed me down and kept telling me that the OP was over. Everything was ok. The experience was like shit man.

After several rounds of whatever that was.. I was finally wheeled out towards the High-dependancy ward for hourly observation. I remember seeing dear sis and mom blurly. Tried to fight the damn GA but i just kept going back to sleep. I couldnt open my eyes but i could hear everything.. I wanted to say sth. But i realised my mouth was shut tight. "I'm gonna be a mute for quite awhile from now on" I thought. zzzzz

So i cant open my eyes, but i can hear, I cant speak, but i can feel ma right? i tried to stretch out to reach someone. Dunno why i just needed to keep holding on to something. Made me feel safer. That night was the worse night of my life. There was 2 lattern-looking things sticking out of my mouth to drain the blood out so I wouldnt swell soo much. I had to put on a oxygen-inhaler and 2 bags of blood transfusion before I had my haemoglobin count back up again.

Sleep was the best way to run from it all. But the nurses had to come in hourly to check blood pressure and stuff. Anyway no matter how xin ku I also muz tahan. There are so many patients having worse trouble than me, more serous incurable diseases, etc. But my OP is just a small fry among all those sickly patients. I stil young ma right... I will recover fast. No one wants to suffer.. but when u do.. u realised how shit it is.

When u cant talk, u tend to think more.

GA made me nausea and i puked a few times. OMG that feeling was so gross. Like having gastric and u wana puke but the waves of the puke feeling is like X10! The worse part - I cant puke out cos my mouth was shut. So how? The puke had to come out somehow ma right. And that was thru the sides of my mouth.. Merlion with 2 spouts instead of 1. Gushing out blood and saliva all over the place. The nausea drug didnt even work, and everytime i was given antibiotics i felt like puking. ZOMG glad that was over.

So the next day I had to take Xray and stuff to show my jaw placement and see if the plates were intact and not infected. 8 plates, 4 screws each (32 in total). 4 in the upper, 2 in the lower and 2 for the chin. Amazing how they fit so many in my small mouth. Anwyay the doctor helped me take out the two lattern-thingy that was attached to my jaw.

Finally some freedom huh. But the swelling will be more now.

Day 3: Alot ppl visiting... Day 4 I was discharged le..
Thanks to those who visit me ah.. No need to say Dear and family,
Frenz:
Juan my bffl
Mun my gf
Alvin, Khai Tuck, Raven, Qilu, Chels, Feng, Bings, Aaron, Justin.

So happy to see u guys!! Paiseh u all had to wait for last minute instructions cos i had fever and could nt be discharged earlier. Damn sianx..

kk Photos!
Before:

After:
(Top) This one taken at hospital, cant reali see the swelling.

Everyday alot of things go thru our minds.

People, food, tv, facebook, sleep, etc, etc, etc,

We do the things we like to do, enjoy the moment, ignore the dislikes like nagging, working, schooling.

Maybe this surgery is what I need. MAJOR CHANGE.

I've been thinking abt it everyday ever since I've been counting down on my msn.

Now like numb already.

Just do it la huh.. So irritating when sth is on ur mind everyday for so long. You just want it to go away in the least painful way. Like magic would be best. *POOF* and its gone!

Anyways I getting exciting now bcos I'm reali tired of being scared of this OP. Aiya. my first time staying in hospital, first time having major surgery, first time experiencing such pain, first time being a mute for a month plus. Alot of first times here.

I'm stronger than I hope I'll be la huh. Cant stand myself for so weak sometimes. I cant always rely on u to protect me. But I stil wish u'll protect forever. <333

Ok enuf abt me.

Everyone seems to be getting work! And applying for Uni. Guys going to army soon. Sobs sobs. Here's wishing u ppl luck in finding sth that u like to do!

Work not because of money and Study not because u dont wana work!

I'm neither working nor studying anytime soon, so pls feel free to ask me out if u wana destress k! haha.. Always available for u guys! =D. K la dun jealous!! LOL

Last note:
If u ever thought what it would be like to take a different path, dont. As long as u dont regret the path that u have taken, all is worthwhile.